S.I.M.P.L.I.C.I.T.Y

Argh! Another sleepless, itchy morning…

The last thing I’d ever want these days are nothing less but some tiny, killer mosquitoes! Woke up at 8.00 a.m. in the morning, only to have slept about 3 hours from 5 at midnight. Argh, woke up to a crazy school of mosquitoes having a taste of my blood, of my leg! I couldn’t stop scratching, until I gave up sleeping and went off towards the computer screen.

Haiz, I’m supposed to be having enough sleeps, while under my acne treatment. As what the dermatologist told me, no having enough sleep is already a stress; while stress itself is also a cause of acnes.

On the contrary, I received a call from the Melaka-Manipal Medical College administrative, notifying me about my scheduled interview on this coming Thursday, 25 February to be precise. Wait a minute. “This Thursday?” I thought. Hey, no way, I’ve got to go back to Victoria Institution to collect my STPM official results. (Though it would be a good reason to escape the result day, despite I know my parents would definitely not allow so.) As usual, for the second time, like what I did for the IMU interview, I requested for a postponement.

1+ day to go.

I am really, really hoping for a good result, at the very least B+ for all subjects.

There has been a ton of updates with my life which I have not been able to update through this blog. Well, personally speaking, I have been abandoning this blog, once again, which I know I sort of pledged not to do again. Since the end of the Sijil Tinggi Pelajaran Malaysia (STPM) examination last year, I’ve been doing lots of things, which I couldn’t recall much either. Er, well, not that much though. Staying at home, using the computer, staying at my cousin’s place at Mont’ Kiara for quite an extensive period collectively. That’s pretty much about it.

The week before this week, on a Thursday, I could still recall myself attending an interview for the upcoming August 2010 Medicine programme at the International Medical University (IMU).

Used the forecast results I got a couple of weeks ago to apply, soon after that was unexpected to receive a conditional offer from IMU for my first choice, Bachelor (Hons) Chiropractic. Though all these while I have been aspiring to be a doctor, attending the IMU Open Day previously had me think a bit more fondly of the Chiropractic course. The lecturers doing the talk regarding Chiropractic, they are the experts; all having great experience (according to themselves), holding high posts in some associations.  What I thought was, IMU must have been extremely lucky to have these people in the campus teaching. And what they said everything about Chiropractic (despite the fact that Chiropractic is still relatively unknown to most people) was very convincing and tempting. However, a more lengthy discussion with my parents as well as advices from my relatives, I decided to try applying for Medicine first, instead of right away hopping into Chiropractic without even trying for the Medicine course.

Contacted IMU after that, regarding my intention to reject my offer for the Chiropractic course, and to be shortlisted for an interview for the upcoming August Medicine course. And yes, after that, I did receive an e-mail regarding my scheduled interview, which I then requested for a postponement. Then that day came, me dressing in a full-black collar shirt which somewhat look a little casual, and a slightly grey long pant, spotting another Malay guy dressing in formal business attire with a stripy deep-blue tie accompanied by his mother, doing the same interview as mine, just that his queue is ahead of mine. I was nervous at first, being my first university interview.

After my name was called, entered the interview room, the first question they asked was, “Tell me about yourself.” And so I did, crapping about lots and lots of things, my name, primary and secondary schools, Victoria Institution, why I inspire to be a doctor, etc. The next question was regarding my involvement in external and co-curricular activities, and charities. Again, I just talked and talked. Everything went pretty smooth, I was thankfully rather fluent, except for the part where at times I stammered repetitively, and saying certain things which doesn’t quite make much sense either. As such, “Money isn’t everything, but everything is money.” Erm, well, whatever it may relate to, not all people agree to that statement, so saying that may just cause some confusion and dissatisfaction to them who would disagree. Like it or not, you’re in an interview for a placement in university, and the interviewers are the one deciding if you’re qualified or not. So to speak, you say something which they don’t like, then you are in a risk of not being offered a place at all.

The last question was a case scenario. This one, I was sort of prepared for it, because I have seen such similar questions previously and did do some thinking about these scenario before. So I was pretty lucky actually. In fact, after the interview, I was quite happy with the outcome. I talked pretty fluently (though with some foolish statements and stammer) and joked with the interviewers.

And now it is in the mid of the Chinese New Year, there popped out a disaster to some of us. The STPM results are to be officially announced in the 25th February, much earlier than expected. I was terrified, and so were all my friends too.

This coming Thursday! Oh my god!
(Hell breaks loose…)

It is the 31st already. Time just seems to fly away that quickly. Tomorrow we will enter an entirely new month of the year, February. Argh~ This doesn’t sound too good for me, with the official 2009 STPM results to be announced very soon; estimated to be around March, as usual. Like I’ve always said; whenever you’re doing things of your liking, time always passes in just a swift. On the contrary, whenever you desperately wish for something to end as soon as possible, time feels painstakingly slow.

A century ago when I last published a post. It sorta’ feels awkward to want to start blogging again, well basically because I am so attached to others things already. All these while I’ve been at my cousin’s house for almost a month now, one of the reasons is to help with the relocation. My mother’s younger sister, Angie, had just moved into this awesomely-furnished luxury condominium at Ayuria Kiaramas in Bukit Kiara (a.k.a. Mont. Kiara, which most people should know that name instead). They never hired any lorry, so the slow process of moving things by car would take some time. For almost a month already we’ve been returning to the Prima 16 condominium in Damansara daily just to bring back some stuff. And as you know, a car couldn’t store much, right? The car boot, the back seats don’t have much space either. We could only fit 2 or 3 boxes of things into the car in a go. So, briefly speaking, doing these again and again consumes quite some time, oh well.

Breakfast now!
Will be back soon after this.

STPM has just ended for more than a week already, and now I’m stepping my foot on another first. This time, though I initially intended to claim it as non-academic related, a little bit of more thought about it somewhat proved me wrong. Just this morning, it was the very first procedure for my driving lesson, or the KPP course.

While at the same time many have been telling me it isn’t late to only start learning to drive now, I knew I could have initiated this perhaps 2 years back when I completed the SPM public examinations. Also, since then, my parents have been consistently lecturing and persuading me to do my driving as soon as possible, for a few reasons which I could make sense of.

1. To make sure that I can drive, so I could drive to university myself, that’s one particular example of it.
2. On the same note, so that they won’t have to drive me around (in other words, less problem for them), while they can defend themselves claiming, “You’ve got a driving license already!”
3. To make me the primary person to fetch my youngest brother to and from tuition.
4. So they can depend on me to buy this, buy that. Yippee! “When my son can drive, we can always ask our son to fetch us wherever we want!”
5. And any other possible reason you could think of.
   … … …

The 6-hour course, or ceramah (as all of us would call it), was utterly boring, as initially thought to be. You know, whenever you ask anyone how the first ceramah would be, I’m sure many would indefinitely say it is very boring. In my case today, since the morning while preparing for the talk at home, I already had this feeling as if I was leaving home to somewhere outstation attending a few-day camp. It sort of rekindled my experience when I was going for the National Service training and the 3-day Rakan Muda camp.

Upon reaching there, (not to mention the Metro Driving Academy of the Puchong branch was in quite a deserted place) we straight went to the registration counters. Passed our identification cards to the officer, and then had our thumbprint digitally scanned. Seeing the crowd of unknown people in my life, once again reminded me of my life while at the Kem Benum Hill Resorts. The next thing sort of gave me a little feeling of awkwardness, confusion or perhaps left me bizarre and worried to a small extend.

Just after having the digital scan of your thumbprint taken, you are to take an Ujian Rabun Mata (a blind colour test) just to make sure you’re not colour blind. In the computer lab (where you do the tests), we are asked to enter our I/C number on the screen, and just follow the instructions as shown. Simply basic command of Bahasa Melayu and English, if you ask me. I selected Bahasa Melayu, though I know on most cases I’d prefer English to Bahasa. I guess it was to ‘impress’ others that I have good command of Bahasa Melayu, I know, typical show off. Then comes all the tests, where there are numbers, shapes and images in a ball of colour dots.

Nevertheless, this test takes just less than 5 minutes to complete, and I am very much sure that I can properly identify correctly what were in the images. However at the end of it, I gave it a quick glance at the final result page before clicking the “Yes” button.

And you know what, I could see a zero (O) in the “Markah Keseluruhan” and a word, “Gagal” on the screen.

“What the hell!” I thought.

I am very sure I answered the questions correctly, but I didn’t know why was I seeing those remarks. I didn’t read the notes on the result page, just the two remarks, that’s all. Perhaps it was ‘trying’ to say something else? Or did I just simply failed it?

Sound way too impossible even for a specky guy like me.

When the coordinator from the driving centre I registered at approached me, she had me to write my I/C number and to sign on an exercise book. Without any further thought, she just wrote there, “Lulus” though I never mention anything about me seeing a “Gagal” word on the screen. Then, she was asking, “You lulus kan?” I just gave a slight nod. And with that, I was wondering if the JPJ would trace this and mark my application as invalid due to this. (Oh, please don’t.)

The rest of the ceramah was all right. The lecturer, I’m not too sure if it is the right term to term him as, was somewhat entertaining. But just that was a little thing that annoyed me. His tendency to speak like a typical Malay, with that all-too-fast speech and inclusive of all what Malay slang and terminologies. I’m not saying that I don’t understand what he was talking about, just that sometimes he was too fast I couldn’t catch a thing he was saying.

The later 1-hour lunch at 1.00 p.m. at a restaurant was very cheap, to the extend I never thought a plate of rice with some curries and vegetables, plus a cup of cold Milo would cost me only RM 3.00. Then I saw an ex-Victorian prefect as well, whose face I could remember pretty well. I believe he wouldn’t even know who I am.

The continuation of the talk was pretty much the same. Just that the whole thing was dragged to 5.00 p.m. because we started later than 10.00 a.m. too.

Later back home at home, I went for a lunch alone. A special Curry Mee on one of the upper floors at the Seri Petaling Carrefour, before buying a large bottle of distilled water for the washing machine as promised to my father.

Was running towards the house gate when the sky just started to burst in tears. Poor me, having soaked in rain for several minutes. Haha.

Cheerio.

Now that I have completed the Sijil Tinggi Persekolahan Malaysia (STPM) 2009 examinations, there would be more than a couple of months for me to think over the choices I ought to select for university. Not to mention there are much more things that I could do before heading back to the hectic world of studying, though even now I have already felt extreme boredom staying at home.

Back to the topic. Since many years ago I’ve always yearned to be a doctor, for whatever reason I’m not too sure about. Perhaps one of the main reasons include the monetary factor, e.g. how much doctors and specialists are paid. I know, this is a very wrong reason to why one should be a doctor, while the morally correct one should be to assist and help treating sick people.

Until now, I have never given this much of thoughts about my decision to opt for a medical degree, or Bachelor of Medicine and Bachelor of Surgery (MBBS) since my Form 6 years in Victoria Institution as well as after visiting the FACON Education Fair ‘09 last Sunday. On the part of my schooling years at V.I., I did have quite a blast there, but at the same time, it was all about the syllabus, studies and how much I struggled to do well in STPM that keep me reconsidering my decision to take up medicine. On top of that, the STPM examination had me worried a lot, especially the results playing the most pivotal role in deciding my faith to gain entry into a medical school.

At the education fair, it was when I put all these into consideration, in addition to all the knowledge I got at the fair. With my father and mother tagging along (which was quite the awkward for me), I did manage to meet quite a number of lecturers, professors as well as a Professor Datuk. Erm, considering how most teenagers would think normally, this may sound very boring, but I appreciate their help a lot. What they told me about the medical course, advices and their experiences. Also, I couldn’t stop nodding my head whenever my father asks, “Can you counsel my son about medicine?” That happened to me in almost every booth we visited! But of course, I was quiet most of the time; because with my parents around, I always don’t feel like my true self.

Collectively, these are some of my greatest concerns about getting into a medical school.

1. STPM results, by far the most important factor of all.
   Most private universities require at least a CGPA of 3.0 in 3 Science subjects, in my case, Biology, Chemistry and Mathematics. And considering how tough STPM is, getting at least a B in any of these subjects seem to be a relatively impossible achievement. Some other factors too, e.g. how my lifestyle affects my studies.
2. Location.
   Some of these universities are very far away, a few are in other countries. Say, India, where the Melaka Manipal Medical College (MMMC) is tied to. Getting used to a brand new environment is a very tough thing for me. Even to stay for the first week in the National Service camp had got me broke down in depression and made me curse every moment I was stuck in the camp. Same goes to my 3-day Rakan Muda camp in Kelantan, though at a much lesser extend. Staying away from home, and the need to be independent in every aspect of my life, e.g. washing and cleaning, kills me both physically and mentally.
3. Financial problems.
   My parents are not very rich, plus they have quite some debts to settle including the new house. To enroll into a medical course, also considerably among the most expensive courses ever, this also means giving my parents more headache. Though my father and mother are willing to allow me to go for it (while this is also what they wish for as well), just to think how my parents have to struggle for it does make me feel worried too.
4. Extensive years of study, in addition to the pressure it creates.
   To study for 5 years for a medical degree, is indeed a very long period as compared to other degree courses. While that doesn’t create much worries in me, the pressure to score and pass the examinations is more significant. Not being able to pass in any exam for the second time require you to retake the entire semester, or eventually got you kicked out of the medical school. And yes, I am worried about this fact, while one of the professors mention that it gets tougher as the year progresses. When even in STPM level, I am already struggling to remember facts in Biology. So to be able to survive for 5 years is something I need to think over very carefully.
5. Hectic lifestyle as a doctor.
   I am very well aware about even in the clinical years (the 4th and 5th year) during the MBBS course, students are required to attend to wards even after office hours and midnight when you’re asleep. Not to mention when I have to undergo a compulsory internship in any government hospital for 2 years, I couldn’t imagine how hectic my life would be then.
6. The possibility of needing to repeat my pre-university year.
   (Touch wood) If the results I got are less than required for application, and given that I am 100% certain that I am firm with my decision to do medicine, then I will opt for a Foundation in Science in any university that offers the MBBS degree. Benefit, I will have the priority compared to other foreign candidates to be given a place in the MBBS degree as offered by the university after the completion of the foundation programme. The downsides, I will have to spend another full year (12 months) to complete the foundation programme. And I will also need to get excellent grades, again. But come to think of it, I should have earlier opted for the foundation instead of the Form 6 studies. On the contrary, while examinations in the foundation programme are fully transparent, there is such thing as “graf turun” in STPM that you will often get higher grades as compared to your actual performance in the examinations.

While I should be happy about me getting nearer to achieving my ambition to be a doctor, despite all the above matters to consider, I got to know a couple of universities which I have shortlisted if I am confirmed going to take up medicine.

Some of my top choices are: -

1. Melaka Manipal Medical College (MMMC), Melaka
   The first 2 ½ year at Manipal, India; and the remaining 2 ½ year in Melaka.
2. MAHSA University College, Kuala Lumpur
3. AIMST University, Kedah
4. Any recognized medical school in Indonesia, most preferably Universitas Gadjah Mada (UGM).

While at the same time, I did do a lot of thinking when it comes to other fields of interest. Well, who knows I may decide to take up some other courses next time, even though I am still very much in great desperation to get into medicine.

These include: -

• Aeronautical engineering
  Why not? I didn’t take Physics in STPM level, plus there is no demand for this specifically in the Malaysian market today. Of course, unless I choose to work in the USA or in Europe for companies such as Boeing, Airbus or NASA.
• Psychology
  Why not? No demand in Malaysia, too.
• Any course related to computer, software, etc, e.g. software engineering.
  Why not? There is demand, however the market is way too saturated with graduates with computer-related degrees. So, the amount of its graduates far exceeds the availability of such jobs, especially in Malaysia. Of course, I believe there’s a better prospective as a computer degree holder in the USA and Europe.
• Dentistry
  Why not? This sounds the nearest to Doctor of Medicine (MD), in my personal opinion. I thought it might be something pretty awesome too, but still lack of interest in it.
• English language
  Why not? Even though I have loved English all these while, I still don’t see many job availability for such degree holders. Maybe ending up as a school teacher, editor, etc?
• Law
  Why not? I might love the idea of restoring justice to a crime, but studying law isn’t much of my thing either (even though I admit I do like law a little).

That’s all for now.
I am ought to talk more about my choices some time sooner.

This is a diary on updates about how crazy I’ve got to do with coping with everything for STPM.

Mathematics, made a small, teeny-weeny progress. Learned a little more about differentiation.

Organic Chemistry, read haloalkanes and alcohol. (Dunno’ if it actually enters my head or not…)

Argh…!!!
Need to study more!

There are so much I haven’t learned yet for the examinations, just less than 2 weeks now. I know it’s not right, only to have started learning now (different compared to ’study’, because that involves more of revising and doing exercises).

This point of my life may be the most regretful one. (It’s far worse, worse than SPM years.)
But I’m putting my effort to change that fate.

Wish for me, people.
I don’t want to live a life regretting about my past. How intensively I relaxed throughout the STPM years, even until less than 2 weeks from STPM. Far, far worse than during my SPM years.

Added to how many thousand and million times STPM is tougher than SPM, this path of my life may turn out to be a deeply regrettable one.

Yet again, I am trying now to change that fate in these 2 weeks time.
God, please be with me.

2 more weeks to the first STPM examinations, which is the Kertas 2 of Pengajian Am. I should start worrying for being online too long, and sleep more than studying…

These few weeks you would have noticed my inactivity due to the coming STPM examinations. Erm, that is not quite the reason too. More or less I got bored of blogging, that’s all. Whenever you blog, you talk about being in school, what your friends said, what you ate, what you watched, etc. Simply said, these are indeed, excessive details that people don’t have the interest to know.

On top of that, I do believe many typical Malaysians blog without having many (or none) who “would actually” read anything they post. Well, at least that’s my case. It is usually a different case if you’re popular, or blogging with a purpose of sharing information to others. Even so, people would sometimes get bored as well.

Just an update to my life. Looks like I won’t be moving into my new house at the Mutiara Bukit Jalil anytime soon next year. Just yesterday, my mother swiftly revealed to me that we won’t be moving in next year. The Feng Shui master from Ipoh whom my parents always consult from claimed that next year is unsuitable. I was confused, initially he was telling us that beginning of 2010 is a good time to move in, but it intrigues me more to acknowledge his change in mind.

Even so, I am sincerely not ready to move out as well. Seri Petaling is such a residential haven I sorta’ refuse to leave. Throughout the years I live here, I saw so much development in Seri Petaling. You’ve got lots of facilities here, a shopping complex (which is not quite an interesting one), tons and tons of food stores, and so on. And normally when you need something, you could just walk.

Blah, blah, blah…

On the other hand, I’ve been planning on what I should be doing after STPM. One close friend suggested me to do facial (or in my own terms, “to consult a dermatologist”, because “doing facial” sounds way too girlish, don’t you agree?) upon hearing my endless round of complains about the acne outbreak on my face. Until now, I hardly see any improvement at all.

Okay, okay, cut that off!
Studying for STPM should be of a much greater priority. (Sobs)

You knew excited I was when it comes to getting some new over-the-counter topicals, which sorta’ claim to help reduce signs of acnes, as well as treating them. I did buy a few with my own pocket money, and later with another two more bought by my father.

I used the Stiefel Acne-Aid soup for daily cleaning, as an alternative to the facial cleanser which I’d been using for quite a while before this. Another is the benzoyl peroxide gel, which many claim to have helped them to clear their pimples.

My case, benzoyl peroxide does little help. Though the inside handout stated it takes a while to show its effectiveness, I have been using it for more than 3 or 4 weeks already, continuously per day. Many of my acnes remain huge, red and inflammed. Some have even supersized in the underlying skin! I could touch some gigantic elevated lumps on my face!

It was about a week ago or two when I was so disappointed about nothing working as expected, then I chose to pop a few of them. Some that I popped seem to have shrunk, while some just keep returning within a day or two. Gosh, this is so freakin’ sad.

I am seriously considering to consult a dermatologist after my STPM examination.

For this entire week I have not attended school, just because there are Penilaian Menengah Rendah (PMR) and Malaysian University English Test (MUET) going on. In fact, there are no reason to why I should not go to school either, because we are not given any holidays by the school authorities. Admittedly, I am just lazy, and that can pretty much explain the whole thing. Enough said.

Just a month and a week to STPM.
While thousands others are already putting 1000 times of their usual effort to prepare for STPM, I am here still relaxing as if the exams are months away.

I know it’s very not right.
These few days too, I’ve been thinking a lot about my academic performance. How weak am I in STPM Mathematics, and how many times I pledged to put more effort in it (since I started Form 6), and finally still not doing a thing about it.

Attending Mathematics classes in school is very much alike with you sitting in front of an idle wall, literally speaking. I get nothing from him. And my tuition classes for Mathematics don’t help either, not because he’s a bad bad tuition tutor (in fact, he’s an excellent one), it is just that I never put effort in Mathematics since early. And when in the beginning I couldn’t grasp the early chapters, I soon gave up. Now, can you believe it that I can sit in exams staring at Mathematics papers without understanding how to do even when I try so hard? It’s true, very true. I don’t even understand what’s in an STPM Mathematics reference book.

Additional Mathematics was a easier than a breeze back in the SPM years. Now, the STPM Mathematics is nothing short of a complete, full-fledged catastrophe. Not because I don’t know how to do the questions, it’s because I don’t even comprehend a thing they say!

Chemistry is a lot. I can still cope, but I can see I am very much lagging behind. Very, very much behind.

Biology is okay, as well as Pengajian Am.

These last 30+ days before STPM are the ones deciding what I am going to do after my pre-university years. Being a doctor seems more than just impossible, while I struggle to even want to pass all my scientific subjects.

I feel so hopeless.
But no matter what, I am trying my best to work out some miracles.